But I'm all about Twitter these days. If you are on there, you can catch me:
https://twitter.com/twanzilla
Maybe one day I'll come back to this when I feel like writing more.
Welcome Arthur Eoin Lugar
14 years ago
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Welcome to my world of ambivalence
It is so strange to think that two months ago I did not care about anything. I was so frustrated and worn out from work that I could not bring myself to think about anything critically. Nothing has really changed substantially in the time between, but I now find myself massively conflicted about a few things.
First, I have tried steadily to come to terms with the fact that nine months from now I may not be living in Charlottesville. Charlottesville is where my heart is these days, but I know that I have to do what is best for me. And that might mean leaving. That being said, there is another prospect at work that could keep me around long term, but I will not get my hopes up about it at this point. The strange thing is that I know I do not want to leave. But I will not force myself to stay if I am unhappy with my career. It sucks to think that I will have to leave a place I longed to return to for years. Perhaps things will work out and I can stay and they certainly could. Predictions have never been my strong suit, so I will make none at this point. Emotionally I am definitely torn between staying in a place that I love and returning to a lifestyle that I did not enjoy all that much. In one, I am hours away from a group of people that I would really like to see more infrequently. In another, I will be near those people, but in a place that I grew tired of quite rapidly. Northern VA just does not have the sort of lifestyle that I want at this time. Regardless, this is not a decision I will take lightly or make in haste. I will weigh all of the options and figure out which will make more sense to me in a few key areas.
On to another semi-related subject, I have had a fickle relationship with truth and honesty over the years. Being truthful and completely honest is something that I continue to strive for and I expect that from the people in my life. But I guess that continues to be a double-edged sword. Now this is not unique to me in any sense. As they say, the truth hurts. I think it hurts even more sometimes when you expect it. For instance, it stings to hear something like, "We think you are a great candidate, but you just do not have the experience we are looking for at this time." Totally honest and forthcoming and yet disappointing to see put into words. This was not something that I can necessarily say I anticipated in regards to that situation, but I have to learn from it and grow. A little more difficult is hearing someone say, "I really wish that I had met you earlier in my life." This was something that I figured was understood, but I did not expect to be vocalized despite how true it may be. I will be honest and say that I will not be going into much further detail on that one at the moment. But it is another source of my ambivalent feelings at this point. Nothing new for me, I suppose. Needless to say, I am reading up on the idea of cognitive dissonance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance) because I think I am dealing with a serious bout of it this week. Ha. Maybe writing this tonight is a part of my rationalization process. Who knows.
I do feel as if I am smack dab in the middle of a spectacularly interesting record right now and maybe that is what I get for being so emotionally attached to certain music! My deck has become Otis Redding's dock. Guess I need to start putting down all the thoughts onto paper somewhere. Who is going to play drums for me?
Enough rambling for the night. I might be kidding myself by thinking that anyone is actually reading this nonsense anyway.
First, I have tried steadily to come to terms with the fact that nine months from now I may not be living in Charlottesville. Charlottesville is where my heart is these days, but I know that I have to do what is best for me. And that might mean leaving. That being said, there is another prospect at work that could keep me around long term, but I will not get my hopes up about it at this point. The strange thing is that I know I do not want to leave. But I will not force myself to stay if I am unhappy with my career. It sucks to think that I will have to leave a place I longed to return to for years. Perhaps things will work out and I can stay and they certainly could. Predictions have never been my strong suit, so I will make none at this point. Emotionally I am definitely torn between staying in a place that I love and returning to a lifestyle that I did not enjoy all that much. In one, I am hours away from a group of people that I would really like to see more infrequently. In another, I will be near those people, but in a place that I grew tired of quite rapidly. Northern VA just does not have the sort of lifestyle that I want at this time. Regardless, this is not a decision I will take lightly or make in haste. I will weigh all of the options and figure out which will make more sense to me in a few key areas.
On to another semi-related subject, I have had a fickle relationship with truth and honesty over the years. Being truthful and completely honest is something that I continue to strive for and I expect that from the people in my life. But I guess that continues to be a double-edged sword. Now this is not unique to me in any sense. As they say, the truth hurts. I think it hurts even more sometimes when you expect it. For instance, it stings to hear something like, "We think you are a great candidate, but you just do not have the experience we are looking for at this time." Totally honest and forthcoming and yet disappointing to see put into words. This was not something that I can necessarily say I anticipated in regards to that situation, but I have to learn from it and grow. A little more difficult is hearing someone say, "I really wish that I had met you earlier in my life." This was something that I figured was understood, but I did not expect to be vocalized despite how true it may be. I will be honest and say that I will not be going into much further detail on that one at the moment. But it is another source of my ambivalent feelings at this point. Nothing new for me, I suppose. Needless to say, I am reading up on the idea of cognitive dissonance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance) because I think I am dealing with a serious bout of it this week. Ha. Maybe writing this tonight is a part of my rationalization process. Who knows.
I do feel as if I am smack dab in the middle of a spectacularly interesting record right now and maybe that is what I get for being so emotionally attached to certain music! My deck has become Otis Redding's dock. Guess I need to start putting down all the thoughts onto paper somewhere. Who is going to play drums for me?
Enough rambling for the night. I might be kidding myself by thinking that anyone is actually reading this nonsense anyway.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Past and present
Today, Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. I have to admit that after the 2004 election, this is nothing something that I predicted. So to gain a little perspective for myself on the present, I will revisit the past and how I thought things would turn out over 4 years ago.
When George W. Bush somehow still managed to be reelected in 2004, I was in a state of disbelief. In all honesty, I could not understand how anyone at the time thought that it was a good idea to give him another four years as the leader of our country. Were the first four years not enough to prove that he was moving us down a path that was less than favorable? Did people really think that John Kerry was such a weak leader that they would rather give four more years to someone who proved to be mediocre rather than give someone else a shot? I was confounded at the time. Looking back at the situation now, I am glad that John Kerry did not win the election because I do not think that I would be here tonight writing about this day, but I can only imagine how the last four years would have been under different leadership. Regardless, on that November evening in 2004 I began thinking about what I would like to see in 2008.
There were a few people that I spoke to about Barack Obama and I think that any of them will tell you how excited about him I was at the time. However, I must admit that I did not think he would be the presidential nominee come 2008. My dream Democratic ticket at the time was Mark Warner as the President and Obama as the Vice-President. Despite the fact that he delivered probably the best speech I had seen in real time at that point, I did not think the country would be ready for him to jump directly from a no-name Illinois Senator to the highest office in our land. Mark Warner, on the other hand, was known as a former VA governor. A young, charismatic Southern Democrat who had the power to deliver not only his own state, but also manage to turn some other Southern states blue. Now Obama fit in to that equation that he was clearly an intelligent, eloquent young politician who represented a look into the future of America's political landscape. An African-American with a Muslim name. In my mind, the two of them would manage to carry all of the important demographics and deliver the White House to the Democrats. I was more than excited because I figured that with Mark Warner being based in VA, there would be many opportunities for jobs within his campaign and it would offer me a change of pace from what I was doing at that time.
Much to my dismay, Mark Warner removed himself from running in terms of the 2008 Presidential election. At that point, I was not exactly sure who I would support moving forward. As far as I was concerned, Obama was not going to run so I had to pick someone else. To be totally honest, I was not a huge fan of Hillary Clinton but I believe she is probably who I would have put my faith in given the circumstances. As it worked out, Obama declared his intent to run for the Presidency and I knew exactly who I would be supporting. Few people believed that he would actually be able to beat Hillary in the primaries and even fewer believed that America was truly ready to elect a relatively unknown African-American Senator. Now, I do not have to talk about the rest of the process from there because I think that I have discussed that enough.
Here we are today, with Obama officially as our President and I honestly cannot believe it has finally happened. My history with supporting political candidates has been mixed at best. To be so totally behind someone since the beginning and actually have them win is absolutely mind-blowing for me. The fact that this day has come is actually a relief as I feel that I have been justified in my support and I know that there are many people who think just like me and feel just as proud as I do on this day.
This country has some tough times ahead and I hope that do not have to use this space moving forward as a soapbox. If I do not agree with how things are going, however, you can expect to hear about it. But I persuade you to give this administration a chance. Even if you do not like the man now or if you are finally coming around to realize that he is a smart person who is going to think through his decisions as difficult as they may be, please give him a shot before you begin criticizing. I know there will be many out there who will look at the primaries and the election season and complain that he is not fulfilling promises. I cannot say that you are wrong, but I will say that we are in the hands of someone who reevaluates situations and adjusts his positions should a better option come along. That is more than you can say about the last eight years. It may turn out that I was wrong this whole time and this presidency will not be as great as I think it can be. But if this past year has taught me anything, it is to never underestimate the power of a change in attitude. At the very least, I think this country owes it to ourselves to try our best and attempt to make this a better place for the future. There is no doubt in my mind that we can all accomplish great things if we put forth the effort and take responsibility for our own collective destiny.
Good night.
When George W. Bush somehow still managed to be reelected in 2004, I was in a state of disbelief. In all honesty, I could not understand how anyone at the time thought that it was a good idea to give him another four years as the leader of our country. Were the first four years not enough to prove that he was moving us down a path that was less than favorable? Did people really think that John Kerry was such a weak leader that they would rather give four more years to someone who proved to be mediocre rather than give someone else a shot? I was confounded at the time. Looking back at the situation now, I am glad that John Kerry did not win the election because I do not think that I would be here tonight writing about this day, but I can only imagine how the last four years would have been under different leadership. Regardless, on that November evening in 2004 I began thinking about what I would like to see in 2008.
There were a few people that I spoke to about Barack Obama and I think that any of them will tell you how excited about him I was at the time. However, I must admit that I did not think he would be the presidential nominee come 2008. My dream Democratic ticket at the time was Mark Warner as the President and Obama as the Vice-President. Despite the fact that he delivered probably the best speech I had seen in real time at that point, I did not think the country would be ready for him to jump directly from a no-name Illinois Senator to the highest office in our land. Mark Warner, on the other hand, was known as a former VA governor. A young, charismatic Southern Democrat who had the power to deliver not only his own state, but also manage to turn some other Southern states blue. Now Obama fit in to that equation that he was clearly an intelligent, eloquent young politician who represented a look into the future of America's political landscape. An African-American with a Muslim name. In my mind, the two of them would manage to carry all of the important demographics and deliver the White House to the Democrats. I was more than excited because I figured that with Mark Warner being based in VA, there would be many opportunities for jobs within his campaign and it would offer me a change of pace from what I was doing at that time.
Much to my dismay, Mark Warner removed himself from running in terms of the 2008 Presidential election. At that point, I was not exactly sure who I would support moving forward. As far as I was concerned, Obama was not going to run so I had to pick someone else. To be totally honest, I was not a huge fan of Hillary Clinton but I believe she is probably who I would have put my faith in given the circumstances. As it worked out, Obama declared his intent to run for the Presidency and I knew exactly who I would be supporting. Few people believed that he would actually be able to beat Hillary in the primaries and even fewer believed that America was truly ready to elect a relatively unknown African-American Senator. Now, I do not have to talk about the rest of the process from there because I think that I have discussed that enough.
Here we are today, with Obama officially as our President and I honestly cannot believe it has finally happened. My history with supporting political candidates has been mixed at best. To be so totally behind someone since the beginning and actually have them win is absolutely mind-blowing for me. The fact that this day has come is actually a relief as I feel that I have been justified in my support and I know that there are many people who think just like me and feel just as proud as I do on this day.
This country has some tough times ahead and I hope that do not have to use this space moving forward as a soapbox. If I do not agree with how things are going, however, you can expect to hear about it. But I persuade you to give this administration a chance. Even if you do not like the man now or if you are finally coming around to realize that he is a smart person who is going to think through his decisions as difficult as they may be, please give him a shot before you begin criticizing. I know there will be many out there who will look at the primaries and the election season and complain that he is not fulfilling promises. I cannot say that you are wrong, but I will say that we are in the hands of someone who reevaluates situations and adjusts his positions should a better option come along. That is more than you can say about the last eight years. It may turn out that I was wrong this whole time and this presidency will not be as great as I think it can be. But if this past year has taught me anything, it is to never underestimate the power of a change in attitude. At the very least, I think this country owes it to ourselves to try our best and attempt to make this a better place for the future. There is no doubt in my mind that we can all accomplish great things if we put forth the effort and take responsibility for our own collective destiny.
Good night.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Let's see...
For what it's worth, 2009 already seems to be looking up. There really is no tangible cause for this, but there are some things on the horizon. First of all, tomorrow is the inauguration. Strange to think that this is a day I have been waiting years for and I will not be there. This is MY President. He is the person that I hitched my horses to over five years ago. Tomorrow, I will write something about what it means to me, but more on to the actual events. To be totally honest, I could have gone into the city for the weekend, but I think I would rather not deal with the madness. The history and magnitude of the event is going to be incredible, but I am not a huge fan of standing in lines for hours and standing in the cold simply to catch a glimpse of the proceedings. So instead, I will sit in a warm apartment and enjoy the day from a couch.
A few things on the job front...for those of you that do not know, I have been seriously thinking about moving back to Northern VA if things do not progress as I would like them with my job in Charlottesville. I love the town and I love the people that I work with, but if I am not moving down the path to a career that I want with a pace that I enjoy, then there is not a whole lot tying me down here. That being said, there are some new opportunities within my company here that I will explore in the coming weeks/months. Depending on how that goes, I will reevaluate my situation here and make a decision on whether to renew my lease come September. I would much rather not leave and move back up there, but I cannot rule anything out at this point. I really figured I would stay here long term and it seems a little odd to be considering it at this point, but I have to do what makes sense to me.
I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with my vacation time this year. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I cannot afford one of my normal ridiculous vacations, so I think that I am just going with smaller ones again. Thus far, I do not have any weddings that I need to travel to in 2009, so expect a few more camping trips and maybe another trip or three to Vegas. Or maybe I will just do like I did this week and give myself a five day weekend. Sometimes you just need to sit around and enjoy the town. Nothing like waking up on a Friday and knowing that you have nothing to do. Well, unless you count doing the same on a Monday and Tuesday following that Friday. Also, this sort of "vacation" will aid me in my goal to be a little more fiscally responsible in 2009. You know, after I buy a new computer and plan my first Vegas trip of the year. This will probably put a damper on my record buying and my random online purchases, but I suppose I need to grow up at some point!
Anyway, best of luck to anyone who is going to brave the cold tomorrow and see this historic event. I will absolutely be there in spirit and will probably be on the couch in tears at one point or another. Lame as that may be, it is the truth. Ah well. Here's to new beginnings and hopefully better days ahead. I think that is something we can all agree on at this point.
A few things on the job front...for those of you that do not know, I have been seriously thinking about moving back to Northern VA if things do not progress as I would like them with my job in Charlottesville. I love the town and I love the people that I work with, but if I am not moving down the path to a career that I want with a pace that I enjoy, then there is not a whole lot tying me down here. That being said, there are some new opportunities within my company here that I will explore in the coming weeks/months. Depending on how that goes, I will reevaluate my situation here and make a decision on whether to renew my lease come September. I would much rather not leave and move back up there, but I cannot rule anything out at this point. I really figured I would stay here long term and it seems a little odd to be considering it at this point, but I have to do what makes sense to me.
I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with my vacation time this year. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I cannot afford one of my normal ridiculous vacations, so I think that I am just going with smaller ones again. Thus far, I do not have any weddings that I need to travel to in 2009, so expect a few more camping trips and maybe another trip or three to Vegas. Or maybe I will just do like I did this week and give myself a five day weekend. Sometimes you just need to sit around and enjoy the town. Nothing like waking up on a Friday and knowing that you have nothing to do. Well, unless you count doing the same on a Monday and Tuesday following that Friday. Also, this sort of "vacation" will aid me in my goal to be a little more fiscally responsible in 2009. You know, after I buy a new computer and plan my first Vegas trip of the year. This will probably put a damper on my record buying and my random online purchases, but I suppose I need to grow up at some point!
Anyway, best of luck to anyone who is going to brave the cold tomorrow and see this historic event. I will absolutely be there in spirit and will probably be on the couch in tears at one point or another. Lame as that may be, it is the truth. Ah well. Here's to new beginnings and hopefully better days ahead. I think that is something we can all agree on at this point.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Crawling into 2009...
As I enter 2009, it is safe to say that I am in a bit of a funk at the moment. Life is sort of stagnant and most of that stems from the fact that I am really not happy with my job at the moment. I moved to Charlottesville over a year ago and I figured that by now I would be doing something different. As of right now, I am waiting to hear about a position that I interviewed for back in early December. To be totally honest, I have been unable to think about much else recently.
My motivation is completely lacking as of the last month. Coming back from Vegas at the end of November seems to have started this bout of inaction. I do not feel like writing. I barely feel like reading. Regardless, I need to do something to snap out of it. The biggest challenge I have to face is what will happen if I do not get this new position at work.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably not get it at this point, but I have not completely lost hope. Either way, I love Charlottesville and I will put my head down and plow through. That being said, I will snap out of whatever this is in short order. It is a new year and there will be new opportunities. If all else fails, I wait until my lease runs out in September of this year and move somewhere else.
As for plans concerning the more short term, I really want to go skiing again. Hopefully we find a way to make that happen. Vegas is tentatively scheduled for April, so at least that is something else to look forward to in the sort of near future. I believe I have officially decided to sit out of the inauguration as I can only imagine how much of a mess DC will be when its population increases nine-fold overnight...but I could probably be persuaded to go. So I suppose the decision is not that official. Oh well.
Anyway, here's to a new year and whatever it may bring. For my sake, I hope it brings something new and exciting at work or else I am going to need to buy stock in Woodford Reserve!
My motivation is completely lacking as of the last month. Coming back from Vegas at the end of November seems to have started this bout of inaction. I do not feel like writing. I barely feel like reading. Regardless, I need to do something to snap out of it. The biggest challenge I have to face is what will happen if I do not get this new position at work.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably not get it at this point, but I have not completely lost hope. Either way, I love Charlottesville and I will put my head down and plow through. That being said, I will snap out of whatever this is in short order. It is a new year and there will be new opportunities. If all else fails, I wait until my lease runs out in September of this year and move somewhere else.
As for plans concerning the more short term, I really want to go skiing again. Hopefully we find a way to make that happen. Vegas is tentatively scheduled for April, so at least that is something else to look forward to in the sort of near future. I believe I have officially decided to sit out of the inauguration as I can only imagine how much of a mess DC will be when its population increases nine-fold overnight...but I could probably be persuaded to go. So I suppose the decision is not that official. Oh well.
Anyway, here's to a new year and whatever it may bring. For my sake, I hope it brings something new and exciting at work or else I am going to need to buy stock in Woodford Reserve!
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