"Never tell the one you want, that you do..."

"Save it for the deathbed, when you know you kept her wanting you."

So here is my first legit entry. You few who do end up reading this can expect a whole bunch of randomness. My ramblings tend to have quite a range. This space will be filled by discussions on music, politics, ridiculous sneakers, perhaps some religion and just life in general. I anticipate boring some but hopefully getting a few people to check out my words.

This is inspired by a dream I had the other night. And it is going to be a bit more personal than I initially anticipated. Honestly, I figured if I can get something extra personal out here in my first post then I should have a better chance of being able to do that in the future if necessary. No sense in climbing in the pool slowly. Just have to dive in.

Enough introduction. The other night I had a dream about the girl I went to senior prom with back in high school (Hi Katie!). It was not really anything out of ordinary for me as I have strange dreams all the time. Before anyone goes there, it was a very family friendly dream. For whatever reason, my dreams don't trend towards that realm very often. Basically, it just made me think of her and it has been a while since that happened. The last time she came up was around this time last year when I was in Vegas. One of her best friends was in Vegas and I met up with her and she asked if I had talked to Katie recently. At that point I had not and I still haven't. It's been a couple of years since we last spoke, at best. This doesn't really bother me as we had drifted apart over the years since I left college, but the dream the other night brought back a lot of old thoughts.

For one, most people regret attempting to date their high school boyfriend/girlfriend when they get to college. As I moved through my freshman year, I had the opposite regret. I regret not dating her that year. She and I kept quite close when I left, but neither of us ever made that move. At the time, I thought I was better off avoiding a commitment since I was going away to school and I expected to be blown away by the women at UVa. While I was definitely blown away, I didn't really have any meaningful relationships that year. Meanwhile, Katie and I spoke very frequently and we even wrote each other letters! Yes, like through the mail, stamps and envelopes, letters. These days the USPS is relegated to pre-approved credit card offers and Val-Pak coupons as far as I'm concerned. But at the time, it was something I anticipated. Funny how it is really the little things in life that keep you going.

As for Katie and I, we continued to keep in touch but eventually we grew further and further apart. Do I regret not attempting a relationship with her? I suppose I do to a certain extent. Not that I have anything against long distance relationships (it was only two hours away, but I didn't have a car my freshman year) but I doubt that I would have enjoyed making the effort to keep things going all the while getting settled in at college. But it is clearly one of those "You never know" sort of situations. Looking back on the last few years of my life, there's no way that I can say what would have happened had we even talked a little more often after that first year away.

Regardless, I think she is living in North Carolina with her boyfriend and hopefully she's doing well. Funny how something that happens when you sleep can stir emotions that you haven't felt in a long time. This ended up honestly a little more rambling than I anticipated, but oh well. Anyone who reads this is lucky that I didn't continue on my diatribe because I'm sure there is another five to ten pages or so on this subject stashed away in my mind somewhere. Save that for another day...